so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
