i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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