you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
