you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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