So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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