peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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