I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
third nipple confirmed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
