First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
