dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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