Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
