I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
