I have demons in me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
