well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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