My sheets look like a crime scene.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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