She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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