I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
