i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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