you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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