We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
