my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
