Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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