Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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