I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
