She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
