my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize