yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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