So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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