Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
