You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
