I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
