You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
