I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
