i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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