Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think a kid would responsible me up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
