You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
