you guys were way drunker than both of me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
