I can tuck mytits in my pants
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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