I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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