Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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