We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
