We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
