i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
