I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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