The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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