So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
