Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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