all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
