Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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