literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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