i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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