I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
