He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
