I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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