I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
