omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
