I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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