My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
