so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
