Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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