so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
