Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
