she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
