after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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